you don't need to be grounding in the past.
posted January 4, 2017 | the review by Abigail Fagan
For many world raised in abusive, neglectful, or dysfunctional families, the post \"you made your bed, now lie in it\" is a common life philosophy taught and advocated throughout childhood.
You are watching: You make your bed you lie in it
It’s a message frequently passed under from one generation to the next, an especially when there was prior victimization or helplessness. This perspective gets normalized and also subsequent generations stop an overwhelming its legitimacy. Instead, the belief is the there are limited choices in life and also once castle made, you’re stuck to them. Also worse, there is the id that leaving an old “bed” in search of a far better one is irresponsible, selfish, or immature.
Limiting your choices is a an effective and terrible mantra because it discounts countless of the an easy rights you possess as a person being. Those rights encompass reevaluating her choices and decisions in life, changing your mind and also your course of action to complement ongoing or changing circumstances. The vital decisions friend made always occurred within a certain life context:
Maybe friend felt pressured to accommodate other people.Or perhaps you to be unconsciously replaying what was modeled and normalized because that you in childhood.
The fact is, the personal, academic, and also professional decisions the met your demands 5, 10, or 20 years ago might be fully irrelevant to her life today. Presently, your eyes might be opened in means like never ever before. Possibly you\"ve tapped into a creative, curious, or adventurous component of yourself that wasn’t obtainable in the past; and that brand-new part has very different needs and also desires. Possibly you\"ve simply outgrown those selections previously make that as soon as served you well. Possibly you’ve concerned realize that you deserve much more or deserve to be cure with better love and respect. The bottom heat is you must never it is in permanently stuck to a selection that operated in the past but is no longer useful, relevant, productive, or safe in the present.
You have the right to leave that “bed” and discover a brand-new one that truly reflects who you are and also what you right now need and also desire. This is particularly important once you do those prior decisions under push or stress. Or you discover that you‘ve actually been lie on a harmful “bed that nails.” The new year is a natural time because that inward reflection, re-evaluating decisions and also choices, and enabling yourself to decide if castle still work for you or if that time to execute something different.
Anyone that insists the you must forever continue to be with your original choices is questioning you to continue to be frozen in time. They might push the idea because it meets their own personal agenda or requirements without considering the influence that it’s having on you and your life. World can be rapid to weigh in, also when you haven’t inquiry for your opinion. They’ll offer you advice about what lock think is in your best interests. They could make sweeping statements and also judgments about your life even when castle don’t know the whole story. They might be the end of touch v your existing needs and feelings or the toll your options take on your physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental health.
It’s so crucial for friend to trust your very own instincts and also inner wisdom. A true authorize of an ever-evolving human being is one who can look back and determine the plenty of “beds” they got to try out, live in because that a time, and then move on from. Hopefully, girlfriend will embrace the idea that this is the healthiest and also most productive way to live her life!
Share v us a time when you were able come let go of the id that “you made your bed, currently lie in it.”
Adapted from “Finding her Ruby Slippers: Transformative Life Lessons indigenous the Therapist’s Couch,\" through Lisa Ferentz, LCSW-C, DAPA.
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Lisa Ferentz, LCSW-C, DAPA, is a clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and the founder the the academy for progressed Psychotherapy Training and Education.
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