Q: my husband, that is a grown man, occasionally drives roughly town without a shirt, together if he to be some sort of a small-town teens coming home from mowing lawns or the swimming hole. He states that it’s no big deal, however it is a large deal, right? that shouldn’t carry out this, have to he? Please earlier me up here.

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Sandra Garcia, ft Worth

A: Wading right into dustups between wives and also husbands is generally an ill-advised endeavor, however the Texanist’s bread is buttered by offering guidance come those who involved him because that such assistance and also he doesn’t constantly get to select his battles. Thankfully, the source of the certain domestic discord in ~ hand shows up be reasonably benign, for this reason the Texanist, because you’ve asked, is more than happy to role up his sleeves and also dive best in.


You’ll be pleased to know that as a previous small-town teenager who was, back in those much more carefree days, familiar with both lawn work and swimming holes, the Texanist is well qualified come chime in top top the topic of do not wear shirts automobiling. However, in the soul of full exposure, er, disclosure, the Texanist should at this point acknowledge that even at his own reasonably advanced age he, too, still sometimes partakes in transforms behind the wheel sans shirt.

Fear not, though, for just since the Texanist is self a confessed practitioner that the an extremely act you reject of so strongly doesn’t median that he can’t ~ do so to it is in an unbiased third-party arbiter on the matter. Really judges, after ~ all, put aside their personal prejudices all the time. Or for this reason they say.


So, hear ye, listen ye! prior to the honorable Texanist now comes the case of Sandra Garcia, a seemingly upright fort Worther of seemingly sound mind, versus her husband, of whom the Texanist to know scant little, yet who sounds choose an alright fella, having been happy (one assumes) married to Ms. Garcia, for however long it has been.

A summary of the complaint versus Ms. Garcia’s far better half avers that he occasionally cruises Cowtown with his upper body unclad. Together this is a bench attempt in i beg your pardon the Texanist gets to act together both judge and also jury, please excuse him for a minute while the retires to the nearest watering hole—uh, sorry, his chambers—and deliberates because that a spell.


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(Three and also a fifty percent hours later.)

Okay, say thanks to you because that your—hic!—patience. All rise.

In considering the existing case, the Texanist described all applicable statutes, various online driving manuals, and the Texas room of publicly Safety’s “Texas Driver Handbook,” 2017 modification edition. He even googled “Fort Worth” and also “shirtless driving.”

It turns out that your husband, in prowling Panther City partially peeled, has run afoul of precisely zero laws, ordinances, or rules having to execute with the procedure of a engine vehicle, public lewdness, or any combination thereof. It seems that that is forced to wear a chair belt but he is not forced to stay a shirt. (Interestingly, contradictory to a persistent rumor that has circulated among new drivers going earlier a long, long time, it’s not versus the legislation to journey in flip-flops or bare feet, either.)


Therefore, the honorable Texanist, that is not an actual judge however pretends to it is in one in the pages of a nationally recognized magazine for entertainment objectives only, does hereby uncover in favor of the defendant and, furthermore, declares that the complainant have to pay every applicable “court” costs, in the kind of a inspect made the end to the Texas Chili Parlor in treatment of the Texanist’s was standing bar tab.

The Texanist is sorry that points didn’t work out for you in his ad hoc kangaroo court the law, Ms. Garcia. Yet now the the Texanist has actually disrobed—in the sense, the course, of removed his justice garb and nothing else, not even his shirt—he might now return to his usual role of providing his signature fine advice come the confused, the mistaken, and the lovelorn and also offer a couple of thoughts the you might actually discover helpful.

The Texanist has actually no way of knowing how long you’ve been going with this fella, but in instance you are not already aware, it’s a fact of life the no issue a man’s period or station in life, the man, uneven he’s a complete straight-arrow, a killjoy, a sourpuss, a never-nude (not also partially nude) prude, or some kind of weirdo, will have stayed in touch v his occasionally shirtless within small-town teenager, no issue the actual dimension of the town in which he grew up. This is a great thing. Small-town teenagers, if you recall, live nice sweet lives. Remember seafaring the Sonic, hanging the end at the skating rink, acquiring buzzed on purloined garage refrigerator beer the end at the lake, throw the 6X9s up on the roof that the truck and also jamming out to ZZ Top, and then making time with so and also so from that institution one city over? psychic that? The Texanist fears the you do not. And this, the Texanist believes, may be the resource of the disconnect between your straitlaced self and your unlaced husband.

Is there a resolve for this marital discord? The Texanist thinks over there is, and it is rooted in the widely held notion that what’s good for the goose is also, together they say, good for the gander. If you proceed to fail in shaming your lawfully wedded hubby right into covering increase his legit half-nekkid body, the Texanist says reintroducing you yourself to your very own inner teenager. We are, as they additionally say, just as young together we feel. Unfortunately, though, the joys the topless motoring are not a two-way street. The Texanist’s research notifies him the the Texas public’s old-fashioned views on female windy chest-baring could an outcome in a citation. So girlfriend will have to uncover other means to relive your own wild halcyon days, even if friend didn’t actually live them the very first time around. To the end, carry out you take place to have teasable hair, a great supply of blue eye shadow, and a vintage 1978 sleeveless cotton Bowl Jam II concert half-shirt that commemorates the day Steve miller rocked his embraced hometown therefore hard? (Or have the right to you purchase one on Etsy?) If so, the Texanist suggests setup your hair sky-high, applying a heavy coat of the eye makeup, wriggling right into that old concert T, rolling under the windows, cranking the tunes, and flying like an eagle.

Perhaps one sticky summer night, together a hot breeze blows with that ratted chaos on peak of your head if you make your means down Berry Street because that the umpteenth time, the stars will certainly align and also you’ll cross routes with a particular man own of one undeniable virility who likes to drive around town without his shirt on. And also maybe, simply maybe, if you’re yes, really lucky, her inner teenager and also his within teenager will throw caution to the wind and also end up break curfew together.

In the meantime, if your husband starts tooling about town v an unclothed lower half, offer the Texanist a shout. Since rules space rules, and when someone’s within teenager goes too far, he’s responsible to lose his tricks to the automobile for a spell.

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